~ShireWolf

Alright I know exactly why i am depressed this time. Recently ever since my gramma passed away I've been thinking that I should have stayed home instead of going to my friend's house. I wasn't feeling good anyways i had a sore throat and a headache but i was bored. I wonder constantly if I had been home maybe i could have gotten help...its wierd...i feel as though she is still home at times. Like yesterday morning when i took a bath i thought absentmindly "hah gramma is probably wondering what the hell i am doing" and then when i wake up in the morning i go into her room to say goodmorning to her and i just stop dead in my tracks inside the doorway. I laugh it off but i think im being affected by it now since i was i emotionally dead inside after finding her. want to here something ironic? the day gramma died i had asked my mom way early in the morning "is gramma dying?" and my mom shook her head.

since gramma passed away i've had one dream about her that wasn't entirely scary just odd. I dreamt i was walking down the hallway that splits off into four rooms the main bathroom, my room, my mom's room and, my gramma's room. Well i was headed to my room when my gramma walked out of her room. As she went by i called to her "but..you're dead" she laughed "no im not" she said to me. Next somehow we were in the kitchen and she walked down the hallway to her room i trailed after her wanting to talk. i got to her room and walked in and there was blood everywhere. I woke up after this and drifted back to sleep instantly transported back to her room. She was laying on herbed with Terry our dog we had put down in december of last year. I climbed into bed and hugged Terry...waking up shortly after.

sorry about the long journal...i just needed to get whatever was in my system out.